Not Good Enough

No matter what I do, I’m always wrong.
Save your heart or save my mind
Apparently I’m supposed to be more concerned with you and us than with myself.
Well, not anymore.
I need time alone, time to figure everything out
Time away from you.
Time to see what I want, what I need.
Somehow, it doesn’t seem like you’re the answer I need
But I don’t know what is.
So I’ll figure it out, alone
With the people who’ve become like family here
The ones who support me, and my decision
The logical, rational ones who can see that I need to get away from you
And you’ll stay behind, stuck in the past
Stuck in a former life for me, the present for you
Our intertwined chapters have come to an end
The ending of a beautiful, if rough, story
It pains me to end it, but I must, in order to save myself
I can handle it; why can’t you?


Written October 24, 2008

If Only

If only you had made it known,
If only it was obvious,
If only you felt the same way.
If only, if only.
If only I could talk to you,
If only you would say what was on your mind,
If only we weren't so sensitive.
If only, if only.
If only we could be together,
If only we could find happiness,
If only things were simple.
If only, if only.
If only I could make it right,
If only time would speed up,
If only I had proper timing.
If only, if only.
If only I could separate myself from you,
If only nothing had happened,
If only you were a fleeting dream.
If only, if only.
If only things would turn out right,
If only I wasn't alone,
If only I could have everything.
If only, if only.
If only I wasn't second best.
If only I shone in my own right.
If only you cared the same way.
If only, if only.


Written November 11, 2008