Out!

I let my guard down for an instant,
And He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is there, lurking
Just out of sight, just out of mind.
I can't escape him, can't outrun my thoughts.
Why are you still here?
I thought I was rid of you, almost two years ago.

You shouldn't be there, taking up space not intended for you.
There's a reason you're He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
You're not allowed to take up residence in my heart anymore.
You lost that role, when you made me lose
Myself, my hopes, my mind.

You're crowding him out, screwing it up,
Leading me down a path I dare not peer down.
He has no chance when you bring out your charm.
He and I don't have the past we do.
He has nothing on you, but I want him.
So I say to you, one last time.

Get out!


Written March 30, 2009

Karma

Karma's a bitch, isn't it?
As soon as I make myself available for you,
You run away, to the arms of another.
You told me you wanted me.
You liked me.
You could hardly help yourself when I was around.
Now, I'm here for you
And you're throwing me away.
Someone you've known for four years,
For someone you've known for hardly four months.

I guess what I'm most upset about,
Is the fact that I let go of something good,
Thinking, hoping, you meant what you said.
Guess I was wrong.
Or that I should've admitted it to you.
But I was scared.
If I did, then it made it all the more real,
All the harder to resist you.

You know how little girls claim they've found their Edward?
Well, I may have found mine. You are so intriguing, such an enigma, I feel I've hardly scratched the surface.
You're the only one I could imagine actually marrying,
If only because of your problems,
And our unique relationship.

And yet, here I am.
Alone again.
Edward's decided I'm not worth his time
And I've decided never to tell him that I thought I was.

Second best again; back where I belong.
Karma's a bitch, isn't it?

Written May 23, 2009

Somehow, She Still Wants You Around

Somehow, after all you’ve been through,
All the pain she’s experienced at your hand,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after everything you did to her,
Exploited her in the worst way,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after crying herself to sleep on multiple occasions,
Wanting to kick and claw at you when the memories became too hard,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after moving on,
Refusing to talk to you, think about you, look at you,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after all the years apart,
She sees you, and doesn’t feel hatred, so
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after hearing your apologies,
Trying to be the better person,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after becoming friends again,
Sharing secrets even her best friend doesn’t know,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after letting the walls fall,
The ones she constructed to keep you, and only you, out,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after admitting to herself what she wants,
Deciding she wants to do something about it,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after she held you in her arms,
Knowing full well it was for a short amount of time,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after you assured her all was well,
Chalking it up to having a lot of thoughts in your head,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after no contact for a week,
No attempt to reassure her,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after thinking maybe she wasn’t worth it,
Disgusting, repulsive, the whore she once knew,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after beating herself up for driving you away,
Not hurting for herself, only for the lost friendship,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after figuring out what happened,
You running off with the girl she knew you would,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after wanting to beat your head in,
Crying, because she knows it will pass as soon as you apologize,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after thinking about it and still not being hurt,
Realizing that maybe she was denying something more,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after having multiple epiphanies concerning you and her,
Desires, lies, routines,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after letting you know it affects her,
Not speaking, not reassuring, though you know how her thoughts go,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, after everything, she still wants to do it again,
Knowing full well what will happen in the end,
She still wants you around.

Somehow, you have some inexplicable hold on her
That you don’t even realize.
She still wants you around.

Written June 2, 2009

The Cow Among Horses

The cow looks out at all the horses,
Sees them running free and wild,
Able to let it all out.
Not the cow.
The horses are secure and stable,
All they have to do is run,
Run and be admired.
Not the cow.
The mares neigh, the stallions come,
Heads held high, prancing around,
Watching for a sign to proceed.
Not the cow.
The horses have friends,
Loyal through and through,
Never alone.
Not the cow.
The horses are beautiful,
Their bodies never betraying,
Only breeding when desirous.
Not the cow.
Everyone wants a horse,
Looks them over,
Tries to buy one.
Not the cow.

The cow among horses
Tries so desperately to blend in,
To become a horse,
To not be the cow.
No matter how hard the cow tries,
She will always just be a cow.
No matter if the horses want to let her in,
It will always just be a cow.
Oftentimes ignored,
All the cow wants
Is to be loved.
No one loves a cow.
No stallions for the cow,
Just a mangy bull
Who doesn't even want her.
No one wants a cow.

The cow among horses
Is waiting to be slaughtered.


Written June 22, 2009