Something to Love

The waves surround me, crashing, breaking,
Just like the waves you create in my heart.
I wish, I hope, I pray you'd realize
How much I wish we never had to part.
Feelings have progressed much deeper than expected,
Their depths seem to know no bounds.
I think I'm back where I once was,
Lost, alone, never on solid ground
When you are involved. I can never be still.
Never sure of my footing,
Never sure where I stand with you,
Knowing you'll never be putting
Me in front of anyone else.
I'll always be second prize,
Something not to be admired,
But coveted, to get a rise
Out of anyone who would see it.
I'm here for a reaction.
I wish you knew how I felt,
Wish I could take some action,
A step in the right direction,
Stop deluding ourselves.
But I'm too scared to lose you,
Too scared to delve
Even deeper into my mind,
Even deeper into my heart.
I wish we could be together,
Have an opportunity to start
Something that was good,
Something that would last,
Something that was love,
Something that is lost all too fast.


Written August 8, 2009

Disappear

I'm such a horrible person
Sitting here with these thoughts in my head.
Can't accept you happy
When it's not with me.

I say I want you happy
And I do - as long as it's with me.
I can't just sit here and watch this
It's killing me inside.

I'm supposed to support you
That's what love's about, right?
And here I am, hoping, wishing
That everything doesn't turn out right.

I hate myself right now
Because of you
Because of what I feel for you
Because now you've convinced me it's not right.

Everything's wrong in the world
At least, in mine.
What I thought would always be there
Is now fading away.

I can't do anything to stop it
Then you'd never talk to me
I can't handle that
You're the most important thing in my life.

I can already see my importance slipping.
See it, feel it, can't do anything about it.
So I just sit here, silently, watching,
Waiting until I just...disappear.

Written October 2006

I Understand

I've been through a lot this year,
Gone through many changes;
Changed for the worst. I fear
that I'm someone I don't want to be.
You and I, me and him, look at what I've done
How much fun we once had,
Now, alone, I'm the only one.
I've pushed you both away,
I'm left to clean this up;
Instead, I'm making a bigger mess,
Waiting for a chance to jump -
And reclaim what I've lost.
I've heard of wanting someone so bad it hurts
Never quite understood how that could happen.
Now, watching you stand there and flirt -
And looking at your picture I still keep -
I understand.

Written December 2006