Disappear

I'm such a horrible person
Sitting here with these thoughts in my head.
Can't accept you happy
When it's not with me.

I say I want you happy
And I do - as long as it's with me.
I can't just sit here and watch this
It's killing me inside.

I'm supposed to support you
That's what love's about, right?
And here I am, hoping, wishing
That everything doesn't turn out right.

I hate myself right now
Because of you
Because of what I feel for you
Because now you've convinced me it's not right.

Everything's wrong in the world
At least, in mine.
What I thought would always be there
Is now fading away.

I can't do anything to stop it
Then you'd never talk to me
I can't handle that
You're the most important thing in my life.

I can already see my importance slipping.
See it, feel it, can't do anything about it.
So I just sit here, silently, watching,
Waiting until I just...disappear.

Written October 2006